One thing that makes romantic partnership difficult is the idea of possessing one another.
There is nothing that can be possessed…and I’ve found that it takes both partners allowing the other to be as the are for intimacy to deepen over time.
In common relationships, there is romantic fire, which leads into two people having expectations of one another…this is commonly called love. But where there is true love, there is no expectation, and while there can be commitment,there is no attachment.
What do I mean by true love and no attachment? I’m speaking about a perspective that whatever happens is meant to be, even if that means going separate ways.
About 15 years ago, when my husband and I were about to get married, he asked me if I was nervous about marrying him, and I responded “no, there’s always divorce”. He seemed a bit offended by this, but then quickly realized that there was freedom in such a perspective.
We don’t try to control each other’s behavior by pulling the spouse card. For instance, we’re both committed to a monogamous relationship, but we don’t try to make sure that the other partner doesn’t cheat.
We are free to come and go as we please, and if either one of us is drawn toward sexual intimacy with another person, our commitment to one another is ended….And there’s no problem in this.
In this way, we remain monogamous because we authentically enjoy sexual exclusivity with one another, not because it’s a habit, or because we’re obligated, or because it’s the right thing to do.
There are many styles of romance available. For me, the key to romantic happiness is finding what works from my point of view, and living it without expecting my man to conform.
We are free to relate however we choose, and as long as our way of relating resonates with the other’s personal style, we are together. So far it’s been 20 years of deepening intimacy, expanding appreciation and awakening our minds.
I’m very grateful for each moment I get to experience us, without anxiety about what will become of me when our partnership dissolves…because every partnership dissolves…it’s only a matter of time.
May every heart be free. Aloha!!