In my view, nobody is ever at fault. That's why I'm invulnerable to victim mentality and abusiveness in my relationships.
I notice that when my mind is not preoccupied with who's at fault, who might be at fault, or trying to defend myself against fault, I can perceive what's really coming up to be healed by me.
In this way, when I tell of my experience of being abused as a child, the intent is to share an example of forgiveness within circumstances that seem unforgivable, not to make fault for anyone.
I give up fault not only because I love the other as myself, but also because holding fault for another makes myself a victim...which in my experience only leads to more instances of child abuse being made through my mind.
I have observed that children receive abuse from parents and caretakers who are desperately looking for relief from their victim mentality (guilty and shameful feelings made by abusive thought patterns inherited from their parents and caretakers).
As children naturally reflect whatever is held in the mind of their adult caretakers, the victimized adult sees themselves as "vindicator of righteousness" in their own mind through correcting the fault they perceive in the child…but this high self ideal never sticks and must be repeated over and over again…thus setting the child up for the same guilty and shameful cycle with the children and other people in their life.
Because I can imagine a world in which every child receives only kindness from their parents and caretakers, I know that the way for this reality has already been made. Indeed, I've been shown that the gentle and kind world that I imagine is the Truth that triumphs over all illusions.
In this awareness, I can easily identify abusive thought patterns, such as the idea of fault, that are responsible for manifesting as child abuse (and abuse of people in general); and when such false ideas come up in my mind, I do not give them my power of attention and belief…I stay focused on Truth instead…because Truth opens the door to forgiveness, which is the antidote to abusive thought patterns and their painful manifestations in the first place.
And so, given the possibilities that can be created through me, I can't help but feel grateful for everything that happens and everyone who participates in every happening just as they do.