The idea of possessiveness (opposition to personal independence) was definitely something that made me give up the notion of long term relationships at a very young age. The moment a guy would give any hint that I wasn’t allowed to do things without him, I would say “no thank you”.
Relationships ended very quickly for me in this way, which suited me perfectly, as I’d rather have no relationship than one where I was required to lose my independence.
This energy played out with Tony very early on, when I used to like to party hardy with my friends. While Tony did not act particularly possessive, he communicated to me that he didn’t like my getting drunk in bars without him, sleeping at strange guys houses, and not coming back until the next day.
I communicated to him that that’s what I do, that I’m trustworthy and always feel safe, and if he couldn’t handle my lifestyle, then the relationship wasn’t going to work out. To my surprise and delight, he stuck around and possessiveness was not an issue. (I also naturally stopped partying like that after about a year together)
Fast forward to about 20 years later…I’m running around Hawaii with a dear friend a couple days a week, helping him to promote his business. It was apparent to me and Tony that this friend was trying to use everyone in his path to help pursue his own desires.
Well, intuition was telling me that I was going to give this friend an opportunity to use me in this way too. While I knew I could take a more comfortable path, my intuition was loud and clear in communicating that profound gifts would come through following my inner voice on this one.
Tony did not seem to understand my decision at all, and I could see that the situation was difficult for him. Some days when I would leave home, I would feel Tony so intensely that some of my muscles would tense up…I would immediately focus my breath on those tense muscles and invite them to relax while holding Tony in my mind and sensing our heart connection.
I have found that sensing the beautiful energy of our heart connection whether Tony seems to have difficulty with whatever I’m doing or not, is a powerful unifying force… because instead of pursuing thoughts of shame, rebellion or should’s, my mind stays focused on affirming the value of our heart connection.
There are plenty of thoughts that roam around in the mind looking to attach to someone in this sort of situation. Some of the thought scenarios are: He should let me do what I want, I deserve to be doing these things, Maybe I should get a divorce, What if I’m a bad wife, Why can’t he be more understanding? What if he goes for another woman?
But the thought that always sticks out in my mind is that no thought is true. So when this sort of doubtful energy arises in me, it’s my practice to experience the sensation of doubt and refocus my attention to sensing our heart connection, and that is all. Everything else worked itself out, and going through experiences like these has led to deeper connection and appreciation between me and my man than we’ve known before.
Not only that, but the gifts of heart opening and clarity from having the experience of associating with this particular friend keep unfolding. I am very grateful.