Abundance of the Heart

“Out of the abundance 10689963_10201738441781710_2764218589714651217_nof the heart, the mouth speaks” Jesus the Christ

This is plainly obvious for me, and that’s why I can’t hold anything against those who speak words of harm, punishment and destruction toward myself and other people. 

I’m aware that in every single instance, such language is the cry of an innocent child who has lost their way in the mind, and who’s heart has become guarded by fear.

I notice that the immediate reaction within the mind is to defend against such speech, and also launch a counter attack that seeks to judge, punish and/or destroy the offender.

But I have seen that defense and retaliation can only lead already wayward children to build upon the fear that guards their heart against love…while making structures of fear within my own heart as well.

Plus, when I permit myself to be hypnotized by fear like that, I cannot sense God’s love coursing through my body…..And I’m aware that the one launching attacks cannot presently feel the consequences of what they do because their heart is so hardened by fearful beliefs.

So, I approach verbal attacks by staying focused on the pure sensation of God’s love while also welcoming the feeling sensation of fearful thoughts being launched toward myself and/or other people.

In this way, the capacity has been developed in my heart to take in malevolent energies and reconcile them with God’s judgment…which is love, compassion and peace that passes all understanding.

Are you ready to put away old strategies that darken your heart and cause you to relate with the world through fear?

Come spend a week with me…laugh, play and discover how to live in ecstasy as an extension of the love that sustains and adores yourself and all of creation.

October 2-9, here on Big Island. For details go to www.awakening-retreat.com

Getting Kids to Behave

I stopped wanting love and respect from my children, because I recognized that what I really want is to experience my children exactly as they are.

Once I was willing and eager to purposefully go through every suffering that arose from my experience of raising children, it was also obvious that trying to change how they showed up in my perception would defeat that purpose.

At this point, I’ve been playing the role of parent for over 22 years, and like the common parent, I used to think that it was of utmost importance that my children show love and respect for myself, other significant people and each other.

But starting about four years ago, I began to intuitively recognize that wanting something other than authentic expression from my children caused me to react in a way that attempted to make them into slaves to my personal desires….so that I could avoid going through the sufferings that reflected my own ideas of self importance.

When I first intuited what was really going on, it was very painful for me. Every time that feeling of wanting my children to behave differently came up, a lot of pain and suffering arose with it, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of the intensity that I was experiencing.

To start out, I tried ignoring my kids whenever I suffered over them. Instead of giving them attention, I attended to my own breathing…I would control my breath, making the inhale and exhale long and deep as best I could.

On many occasions, this substitute form of control worked out and I would recover without an angry outburst or fit of victimization. But ultimately, I noticed more of a disconnect between myself and my children…and I knew that to truly go though the intense suffering that arose in connection with these sacred relationships required another approach, although I had no idea what it was.

I looked to the masters for any counsel in this regard, but what I found was that the masters didn’t even bother with raising kids. In fact, the Buddha left his wife and son to seek enlightenment.

As the desire for enlightenment was very powerful in me, for awhile I had the notion of also leaving my own family so that I could work out my salvation without being disturbed by them, but thankfully, I also knew that my path was different…

In my case, I have been gifted with this amazing husband who was willing to take on the role of single parent whenever I felt the need to take space from my family life. I kept retreating from my role as mother and returning again, ultimately realizing that my children were an important key to my total liberation and freedom from suffering.

At that point, which was little more than 1.5 years ago, I made a commitment to stop entertaining thoughts about leaving my family, and to spend more time with them. Instead of trying to control anything, even my own breathing, whenever sufferings arose I would retreat to a private space in my home to experience the energies that had me under their spell.

At the time, I had a selenite crystal wand which was long enough to cover my entire torso. I would hold tight to that wand while experiencing tears, a lot of internal heat, and both mental and physical pain and suffering. For many months I cried loudly, as the pain was so intense that it made me scream.

Eventually, I surrendered to my sufferings without making loud sounds, and just let the burning sensation happen in my body and mind…until nothing was left of this idea that I needed my children to be different. About three months ago, I realized that I no longer required the selenite crystal for this purpose, and when I met another woman who admired it…I gave it to her gladly.

More recently, only a few days after completing a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat, a very painful sensation around my kids came up again, and for about 30 minutes I entertained the idea of getting away from them…I cried over it a bit as my mind projected a need for change…and then there was a sudden sense of embodiment like I had never known before, and I was immediately relieved of all pain and suffering.

At this point, any form of suffering comes up and I smile, allowing the sensation to burn through my body…just noticing thoughts and experiencing feelings as the defilements held for me in the mind very quickly burn themselves out.

Now when my children express suffering, there is no reaction in me. I don’t avoid or ignore them either. I willingly and gladly feel the pain of the perception they are taking as true, but I do not join in their suffering.

As for choosing my response…I don’t choose. I allow the response that most resonates with the peace that has come over me to come spontaneously through me…even if that means no response at all.

Through this process, I have come to recognize that everyone who suffers is like a little child…and that I have come to nurture them with this peace that passes all understanding.

In gratitude!

No Fault

In my view, nobody is ever at fault. That’s why I’m invulnerable to victim mentality and abusiveness in my relationships.

I notice that when my mind is not preoccupied with who’s at fault, who might be at fault, or trying to defend myself against fault, I can perceive what’s really coming up to be healed by me.

In this way, when I tell of my experience of being abused as a child, the intent is to share an example of forgiveness within circumstances that seem unforgivable, not to make fault for anyone.

I give up fault not only because I love the other as myself, but also because holding fault for another makes myself a victim…which in my experience only leads to more instances of child abuse being made through my mind.

I have observed that children receive abuse from parents and caretakers who are desperately looking for relief from their victim mentality (guilty and shameful feelings made by abusive thought patterns inherited from their parents and caretakers).

As children naturally reflect whatever is held in the mind of their adult caretakers, the victimized adult sees themselves as “vindicator of righteousness” in their own mind through correcting the fault they perceive in the child…but this high self ideal never sticks and must be repeated over and over again…thus setting the child up for the same guilty and shameful cycle with the children and other people in their life.

Because I can imagine a world in which every child receives only kindness from their parents and caretakers, I know that the way for this reality has already been made. Indeed, I’ve been shown that the gentle and kind world that I imagine is the Truth that triumphs over all illusions.

In this awareness, I can easily identify abusive thought patterns, such as the idea of fault, that are responsible for manifesting as child abuse (and abuse of people in general); and when such false ideas come up in my mind, I do not give them my power of attention and belief…I stay focused on Truth instead…because Truth opens the door to forgiveness, which is the antidote to abusive thought patterns and their painful manifestations in the first place.

And so, given the possibilities that can be created through me, I can’t help but feel grateful for everything that happens and everyone who participates in every happening just as they do.

Much Aloha!

Disrespectful Kids & Teens

When it comes to kids and teenagers, I’ve observed that their disrespectful behavior is a cry for acceptance.DCIM102GOPRO

Parents are generally conditioned to hold shame for their children when they do things the parent thinks they shouldn’t, and in most parent/child relationships that I’ve observed, the parent doesn’t even recognize that they are holding anything that disparages their child.

The well meaning parent tends to act on shame in a way that seems kind and caring on the surface, but the child can sense the underlying energy, and this makes for turmoil and disrespect between parent and child.

As a parent who previously held shame for her children, I’d like to share how the shame finally let go of me. First, I let myself completely off the hook for any hurt caused by me, and I imagined what it would feel like to experience mutual respect between myself and my children.

To me, the first step is the most important because no mental pattern can be released without first being acknowledged and accepted. Next, I got very familiar with how it feels when shame is given life through me.

If any “poor me” thoughts would arise while I was wallowing in the feeling of shame I didn’t unconsciously give them my attention but I stayed with that feeling until it subsided on its own. This is where I got hooked back in many times because the temptation to multiply the energy of shame was temporarily stronger than my faith that shame is a false illusion. When this happened, I immediately fell back on step number one – letting myself off the hook and imagining the joy of having what I seemed to be wanting.

The rest was done without any effort on my part, and now I can maintain my boundaries while being in full acceptance of my kids’ expression because shame has no power over me. In fact, I have become so sensitive to shame that it’s simply too heavy for me to carry for more than a moment.

Naturally, this has created more joy in my experience of relating with my children than I could have dreamed possible only a few years ago!

This blessing is available to every parent who is willing to receive it.

In love!

Kids and Respect – Part 2

Respect. It’s what parents think they want from their kids.

 

So, one might ask, “how do I get respect from my kids without demanding it”? But even that is nothing more than an attempt to gain a survival skill in a world built upon made-up constructs. You are so much more powerful than that!

 

In a sense, it’s true that what you “give” you are always going to “get” back, but to the confused mind takes this to mean You give love, you get love – You give money, you get a product – You give labor, you get a paycheck.

 

In reality everything is arising from out of the collective consciousness. In this way, you are really only “giving” a vibrational frequency that matches your mental state, and you are really only “getting” the mathematical equivalent of every mental state that has already been broadcast from your point of view.

 

Notice that in expecting a child to show respect, the adult is already coming from a point of view that’s lacking respect, and within this blind expectation there’s not even a question as to why respect appears to be missing in the first place.

 

Because this expectation largely goes unquestioned, children are being used to act out the “adult” idea of respect,while the feeling of disrespect grows in intensity for everyone involved. Until there’s a demand for recognition of what’s really going on, this unconscious charade will continue to make discomfort and suffering for the human experience.

 

So, if disrespect or fear of disrespect is showing up in your experience, remember that it has nothing to do with another person. Of course, the mind will say that you need to get respect or you could be ruined, but what the mind isn’t seeing is that the outer world is only a reflection of what’s inside, and that it’s way easier to let the projection lighten up than to wrestle with the reflection.

 

Who are you to feel disrespected? Question every thought about respect and what that means to who you think you are. If you’re willing to experience whatever is arising, you will be made aware of what believing unreality feels like. And once that happens, the idea of needing respect will be irrelevant for you.

Kids and Respect – Part 1

As soon as a child is able to exercise natural free will, they are trained by parents, family members, teachers and even random people to “show” respect–to whomever. On the surface that seems innocent, even just, however peeling away the layers of “respect” will reveal its service to the dis-ease of humanity.

 

Specifically, children are trained to automatically respect their parents, respect their elders, respect their teachers, and even respect their toys. The truth behind this automatic respect building is that it is self-serving.

 

The common adult mind thinks it needs to teach children how to act respectful, and so it teaches children how to display the kind of behavior that makes an adult feel respected. But this has nothing to do with being respectful.

 

True respectfulness is the automatic expression emanated from a person who holds no disrespect; it’s not an act that’s turned on to please other people. Since most adult minds hold disrespect for their self, children are often used to cover that up with an act of respect for the adults.

 

These children are in turn being taught to be adults that pretend to need respect from other people, and this insanity goes on because people are largely unwilling to recognize the ways in which they follow thought that disrespects their own self.

 

They are not willing to see that children, other people and even the self are not capable of reflecting any behavior that’s not projected by their own state of mind. This unwillingness is secured by fear of death, which is what can happen to a separate person in a world where that person is not respected.

 

But such a person does not exist except in thought. You are not that person, or any person for that matter. You are the one who decides whether to give attention to thoughts that disrespect your self or not. So, you’re invited let the keiki (kids) be as they are and look at what’s really going on.

Freedom of Choice

It’s simply insane – the belief that the Child needs discipline, pressure and/or manipulation in order to be deserving of love. What’s really desired for the child is Freedom – the same Freedom our Free Spirit desires for ourselves – but which we are too fearful to allow.

Because we do not recognize this self created conflict between Free Spirit and the make believe self, we unwittingly do everything we can to suppress Free Spirit by believing our own judgments and enforcing them on our children.

In the name of responsible parenting, we raise our kids to hold the same limitations about the world and about themselves that we have been unwilling to give up. We teach them that without our ‘guidance’, they would be unloveable, unworthy, and that they would fail.

If we knew our own being, we would not pretend that disciplining the child can create love, value or success for them. We’d allow them to make their own choices and to be responsible for those choices – while enjoying our experience of them.

But instead we largely operate from this fantasy that we are responsible for the Child’s choices, and we don’t want to look bad, or be upset if our child suffers or creates suffering. So we opt for the illusion of control.

There’s freedom in knowing that we have the freedom to choose, and that we are choosing in each moment. The experience of such self responsibility is what allows the creative genius in each of us to blossom.

The child is already free – the whole structure of discipline and rules is a mindset the child will break as soon as they become aware of their power. In this way, the child does not need anyone to set them free, but by extending freedom to the child, we extend it to all of Life, and that opens ourselves to receive the experience of more creativity, peace, abundance and joy.

What does it take to extend freedom to the child? Simply notice when we are trying to make the child ‘better’ than they are right now, or than they can be without our input. This is illusion! We are just fooling ourselves by believing that disciplining, pressuring or otherwise manipulating the Child is going to create anything we actually want.

Just notice. That’s all there is to do. You are the Light in your own dark room. Be in awareness.

Discipline

When we make other people follow our rules for living, we create suffering for everyone. NoBody, not children, employees, countries, the self etc. deserve to have discipline imposed upon them.

Commitment to live the virtues of Love is born out of experimentation, stillness and self reflection.

But when people are forced to conform to the disciplinarian’s code of conduct (even when done out of love), the energy that would have expressed otherwise breeds quiet desperation, resentment and dis-ease.

People simply can’t be kept in check forever. Eventually their inner pain will materialize in the world of form.
This plays out as abuse of all kinds, terrorism, war, accidents, illness and suicide.

The most difficult thing for the conditioned mind is to just let people (self and others) be as they are, and attend to any emotional discomfort that arises around our perception of the offending behavior. This is especially true when it comes to our children, whom we think we are supposed to mold into decent people.

But know that this is a necessary thing if we intend our individual and collective experience to be moved toward Peaceful Freedom. We are fully supported whether we choose Control or Freedom – and whatever we choose will be exponentially reflected back to us.

Parents Frustrated with Wiggly Kids

Here’s a response I wrote in response to a reporter’s questions at SheKnow.com.

What do you know about a parent’s frustration with wiggly kids? Parents who are frustrated with wiggly kids hold a belief that kids should not wiggle – it’s the same belief they were conditioned with as children – and now they think they need to control their own kids in order to make them behave the ‘right’ way.

Why are they often frustrated with their inability to sit still especially when doing homework or another task that requires concentration? Forcing children to sit still and concentrate sets them up for a lifetime of doing things that they are not passionate about. Specifically, the body of a child is made to move…a lot, but many times the conventional education system and conditioned parent decide against what’s natural and healthy for the child. This in turn teaches the child to ignore his/her innate guidance system, and go along with the crowd instead. This is the beginning of mental and physical dis-ease.

Why do some kids need to wiggle/move constantly? Some children need to wiggle and move constantly because that’s what they are doing. It’s up to the parent to communicate with their child and to facilitate activities that make joyful use of that energy. When children do not want to sit still and do homework or anything else, that’s because they do not need to be doing them.

Can an argument be made that it helps them focus? Yes. It helps them to focus when kids are allowed to move according to their instinct. It helps them to focus on the only thing that has enduring value – Life as experienced through nature of their soul – instead of through a set of conditioned beliefs about how they should act.

What is the typical result of a parent telling their child to stop wiggling? The typical result of a parent telling a child to stop wiggling is frustration – a sure sign that one is moving in opposition to the truth.

How would you suggest the parent approaches this situation? Let them wiggle as much as they want. When the child is done wiggling they will stop, and if the child becomes interested in the information the parent is trying to present, it will be made obvious.

Something that can help a parent face their own frustration while allowing the child to be who they are is Pure Essential Oil of Rose. Rose essential oil opens the heart and encourages a person to operate from a place of love and wholeness while exposing the untruth of rigid conditioning about how kids ‘should’ act.

Let Them Be

The hardest part is letting go. Releasing control over our children gives them the power to be just who they are, and the energy you save for yourself keeps you closer to who you are.

This combination of consciousness will undoubtedly cause you to Love each other more.