It’s very common in romantic relationships for one person to play the fault finder and the other to play the one with deficiencies…always seeking to correct and improve themselves in order to be found worthy of love in the eyes of the other.
This dynamic makes an illusion of superiority and inferiority, which holds both partners apart from realizing their inherent value and the true purpose of relationship.
I recognize the tendency to play the inferior, submissive one within myself….
Throughout my relationship with my husband I’ve noticed my internal response to some of the things he says as a hook to get me to believe that I am somehow deficient and need to change.
But it’s always been apparent to me on some level that every relationship is just me relating with another form of myself, and that its my responsibility to stand for our inherent worthiness.
So instead of buying into this form of misery, I consistently stand my ground and live in the truth that staying together is only valuable if we are both grateful for the gift of one another exactly as we are. My man has always recognized that he in fact is grateful for me just as I am, and that’s why he’s been my man for the past 20+ years.
My personality has changed a lot over the course of our relationship, but those changes have been spontaneous and natural. They weren’t due to a divisive attempt to make myself worthy of my partner’s love.
In fact, it’s clear to me that the more one tries to make themselves worthy of love, the less attractive they become in the eyes of their partner. This is because such a pattern of thought denies one’s inherent worthiness in the present moment, and thereby causes them to broadcast unworthiness…which naturally causes their partner to reflect lack of love in return.
I’m aware that every time I perceive lack of love coming from my partner, he is only reflecting illusions of unworthiness within me. That’s why I immediately and consistently refuse to give life to those illusions by pretending that I need to change, that he is wrong, or that I deserve to be in partnership with someone who holds me in the light of unworthiness.
It truly never mattered to me whether the relationship went forward, because I’m aware that every relationship is born from within me, and if I’m playing into patterns of unworthiness, I can only attract misery through relationship…whether I stay with the same partner, move on to another or choose to be single.
In this way, the space that I allow myself and my partner to hold for one another continues to be conducive to releasing our personalities from attraction to all forms of misery…which is the true purpose of every relationship.